Today will be a day I will never forgot in my journey through motherhood.
I've never felt worse working mommy guilt than I do today.
We have had behavioral issues with one of our twin boys the last few months. There have been problems at home and problems at day care and preschool. He has a temper that turns on and off with the click of a button, and then there is hitting, throwing, kicking, screaming, and crying tantrums. There have been many to date. This past weekend, he went so far as to try to bite me, and he spit in my face. We have tried time outs, discussions, holding him to stop the violence, ignoring it, removing the situation, and more. Nothing is changing his behavior.
Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was just getting ready to head to lunch with my friend Shelly, when my hubby called. He told me they were sending him home from day care for bad behavior. His preschool teacher was crying when they called hubby to come get him. I immediately went over to my boss, explained to her the situation with tears streaming down my face. I then headed to meet them at the day care, where I talked with the director and we both cried some more.
I am worried. So many things have gone through my head today that it's no surprise I've such a headache I was ready for bed an hour ago!
Did I do something wrong as a mother?
Do I not spend enough time with him?
Is there something wrong with him?
What if there is some long term issue with him?
What if he gets kicked out of the day care permanently?
Would any of this be a problem if I didn't leave them everyday to go to work?
What if this some bizarre after effect of his injuries from the incident?
What if there's something genetic that we don't know about?
The what ifs are going to drive me mad. He's my boy; I love him. I want him to be a strong, independent adult, and I want him to be himself, but I don't think this is what is best for him. I want him to be okay. I want our family to be okay.
Please let this just be a bump in the road or a phase that he's going through.
And so I pray that God will guide is in what's best to help him with. I can't handle this bad working mommy guilt for long.
2 comments:
Oh sweety, my heart goes out to you. You are an amazing mother, you have done nothing wrong. You are however asking all of the right questions. Have you considered seeking a counselor for him? Or does he already see one?
Many many many hugs my friend. Hang in there. You will find answers.
We have scheduled an appointment with our pediatrician. And we followed up with the doctor that treated him at our regional Children's Hospital after the incident. They advise to start at the pediatrician, where we'll be next week for an appointment. Then we'll determine our next steps.
Thanks dear.
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