Camerin

In my last post, I shared about how I became a mother.  I mentioned a third son of my boys biological mother.  He is older; he is currently 7, but at the time of the incident he was 5 and just starting kindergarten. 

He is not biologically my husband's child.  When my husband met their mother, she was a single parent.  The man my husband calls his Dad is his step-father.  I think that my husband like the opportunity to step into a father figure role for this boy, as his dad did for him.  Soon my hubby became Daddy to this little boy and has been ever since.

When the kids were taken away from their mother, the older son moved with them too.  And just like that, we were a family of 5.  (Crazy I went from single, working, college grad, to mom to 3 young boys over night.)

At the time of the incident he was watching cartoon with his mother while his brothers were supposedly napping.  When the home was inspected afterwards, his bedrooms was found to be in a neat/clean position with bedding and toys and tv.  His living conditions were acceptable, and he has being taken care of.  It was clear that wasn't exactly the case with his younger brother. 

The transition was much harder for him than it was for the twins, and he spent time in counseling.  He had a much strogner connection with his mother, he was older, had spent more time with her, and as I mentioned above, it was a completly different relationship.  Our households were, and sitll are, run in very different manners. 

In our home, we have rules and manners, bedtimes and tv/video game rules.  And while I'm sure there are some rules in her home, there is much less structure and guidance.  On visits to their house the tv is always on, they blow bubbles in the house, they play basketball in the house.   

He was included in the visitation guidelines with the twins for awhile, but slowly over time, she was allowed to visit him more, then he was allowed to go spend a day with her, then he was allowed to go stay with her on the weekends, and then once kidergarden ended, he was given back to her for full custody.  My husband was given no vistation rights to the boy he's considered a son for several years now because there was no biological connection.  By this time she was a convicted felon.  She pled guilty to two felony counts of child endangerment and two misdemeanor counts of child neglect. 

Camerin has transitioned back to living with his mom 1.5 years ago.  The lifestyles and structure is still vastly different.  Since he moved back with his mother, he's lived in 4 different houses and has gone to two different schools, he's about to start second grade in a third school. 

I would like nothing more than for him to be a good role model for his younger brothers, and his new baby sister that is on the way, but I worry.  (His mother is expecting again, due early September.)

In the last few months he has given us an ultimatum.  He will not come stay at our house until his brothers can come stay at his house. 

Our custody agreement does not allow that and my husband and I agree that it is not a safe environment for our children, and would not allow such a thing.  She says she's explained to him why, but that isn't much reassurance to us.  Her side of the story may be not quite the same picture we'd paint.  Regardless, how difficult would it be for a 7 year old to understand and to think of someone he loves so dear in that regard. 

Every time we visit or they visit.  It is supposed to be split travel, so every other visit we travel the hour to their home and the other times they come to ours, but it doesn't always work that way.  He ends by asking and asking his brothers to stay with him.  The boys have yet to respond to this, but they do enjoy playing with him during their visits.  It isn't uncommon for them to spend their two hour visit playing with him.  As usually there aren't many toys around for them to play with. 

I hope we can still impact and influence his life.  We want him to know we're always here for him, but we still have our structure.  We will be here, but it comes as a package, you can't choose the fun from the not.  We love you, and hope for the very best for you.