Cancer is a Scary Word

Prepare yourself, it's a long one.  I've had a heavy heart with a lot on my mind lately.

Two weeks ago this coming Monday, my mom went into the doctors office for a routine colonoscopy.  Everything went fine, my dad took her home.  Later that afternoon, my mom's friend and next ddoor neighbor was taking her to the emergency room.  It turns out, she had pneumonia.  She was admitted, and I spent my whole week driving 40 minutes one way to the hospital in the evenings to be there. 

She was released Friday to go home with strict orders not to over do it.  I loaded up Keith and the kids and headed over to pick her up.  They don't allow the kids in the hospital, but I thought it would be a nice surprise to have her grand-kids waiting in the car for her with her son-in-law.  And partially because, I wanted to spend some time with my kids!  (The weekend before she was admitted, I'd spend in Washington D.C./Baltimore with a college friend!)

While I went in to get her, we had to sit for awhile to wait for the final paperwork for release from the doctors and nurses.  In that time, she said that the doctor had been in that afternoon and shared the results of her colonoscopy.  They found cancer in a thing they'd removed during the procedure. 

My first reaction, so what's next?  At that time, they didn't know anything, and we still don't really.  She's currently waiting to hear from the oncologist for an appointment.

Cancer is a word, especially when you don't know any details or have a clue to the severity of which we need to be concerned.  I've spent a large portion of my week being very concerned, worried, and anxious.  Keith has been a great husband and supportive as I sit in tears at night. 

My co-workers and friends have asked how she's doing, assuming she's still recovering from her bout with pneumonia.  I have yet to be able to say it aloud.  I can't.  I've tried/thought about with some of my friends, but I haven't been able to yet.  Whether it's the fear that I'll burst into tears when I do, or the fact that I don't have enough information to satisfy my own curiosity let alone answer anyone's questions.  (I have keyboard courage to share with you all.)

It's greatly affected my mood this week, and I think it has something to do with my loss of motivation too.  I'm hoping that the 5K I registered for today will give me something to work towards again, and a release for the stress of everything so I can continue to be a better mother, wife, friend, and daughter.