Can you call it a loss if it never really was?

A month ago today I took my first pregnancy test ever, and surprise, positive!  Hubby's and my excitement rose and we starting thinking about what a new future might be like with a third little one running around, we were increasingly excited about our future.

I went to the first appointment where they gather all your family histories and medical histories etc. solo.  We got a tentative due date, September 7, and things started seeming even more real!  We couldn't have a definite due date since I didn't know the date of my last cycle.

The following week we went in for our 8 week appointment together with excitement and anxiousness to know everything was alright and to get a better idea how far along we might be.  It turned out to be something we never imagined.  At that first appointment, we were given a few possibilities.  1: Perhaps we're only at maybe 6 weeks instead of the predicted 8.  Option 2: Blighted Ovum.

Then started the seemingly endless blood tests and ultrasounds and doctors appointments.  In a matter of days we were hearing what we'd hoped and prayed was not the case.  Ultimately, my hormone levels weren't increasing as they should with a normal pregnancy, and after testing and re-testing the results stayed the same.  There was never any fetal development.  The sac was there as expected with a pregnancy, but there was never any further development.

After waiting for a couple of weeks to pass it on my own, we decided the wait was too much.  We scheduled a D&C for this past Friday.  Although that is complete, my body has not returned to it's normal state.  And emotions are still running high in our house.  I know we're making progress and moving forward, but we're still dealing with a loss of something we had been so excited about and loved.  But in a physical sense, it isn't a loss if it never really was.  To me the loss is still very real.  For me, it's something that will never be forgotten, and when the time is right and God decides, maybe we will have another one running around with our amazing twin boys.  Until then, we deal with it, live, and continue to look forward to the future.  The best is yet to come.