As I mentioned before, my father-in-law passed away last week. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of family, grieving and exhaustion.
I've been at a loss for words. And more than words, I've been at a loss for knowing what to do.
I feel as though this process, this event is somehow a milestone in my journey through adulthood and aging.
I don't feel old enough to be doing this, but is anyone? Ever? People much younger than me have dealt with worse.
I've done what I know how to do. I've stood by my husband, followed his lead, and been a quiet, yet supportive wife. I may now know what to say, but I do now how to sit there and just be there for him. That I can do. I've taken care of the kids, our pets and our house, to allow him the time and freedom to spend with his mom and siblings who live 90 minutes way. I've cooked and baked to provide hot meals for them, because that I can do. And now, I continue to be there, and I continue to take care of the things at the house the best I can.
I'm trying not to ask too much, and taking care of as much on my own as I can, which can be difficult since both of our cars have broken down in the last week, and I cannot fix those. I'm doing more than I'm used to, while trying to prepare for baby and keep up with schoolwork.
I'm certainly busy, and yet it doesn't feel like enough.
He reassures me it is, but would he dare demand more of his expectant wife? I'm not sure he'd say if it wasn't.